The Umbrella Stand

2002-11-05T11:34:00.000-08:00

Thank you Sue, Gert, Stuart, Kathy, Lisa-Jane, Zach, Gekko, and Upsetter: for all your comments, and your real and virtual support; and thanks to everyone else for reading and commenting in the past.

The Umbrella Stand is closed until further notice.

The poetry will continue.

2002-11-04T08:26:00.000-08:00

She's realised with something close to panic that the picture he's devised of her is untrue. He expects her to be serene, a refuge; he expects her to be kind. He really thinks she is, underneath, and that if he can dig into her far enough this is what he'll unearth. He ought to be able to tell by now that she isn't like that at all. Nevertheless she wants to be. She wants to be this beautiful phantom, this boneless wraith he's conjured up. Sometimes she really does want it.
Margaret Atwood · Life Before Man

2002-11-02T09:14:00.000-08:00

Nothing is certain, only the certain spring.

2002-11-02T06:42:00.000-08:00

This used to be the Year In Provence of blogs; now it's the Heart-Shaped Bullet.

2002-11-02T05:47:00.000-08:00

The young man made a wry face, feeling that he was losing his self-control under the stress of this refusal to recognise him as a human being
leo Tolstoy · Anna Karenina

2002-11-01T13:42:00.000-08:00

I also feel like Piglet:

'It's a little Anxious,' he said to himself, 'to be a Very Small Animal Entirely Surrounded By Water.'

2002-11-01T12:16:00.000-08:00

Separation
Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.
W.S.Merwin

2002-11-01T02:01:00.000-08:00

This is sort of how I feel, except that it's just not that romantic in reality.

2002-11-01T01:50:00.000-08:00

Storms, powercuts and tonsilitis... Well, there were bad storms at the weekend, as you probably know, and they resulted in power cuts so that I couldn't work on Monday or Tuesday - such a shame. And then there's the tonsilitis, which has been going on for over a week now, but its days are numbered, as it's being fought by good old penicillin as we speak.

Today is a national holiday, and for once I'm in the right country, not that having no work to do makes a lot of difference to my daily life when I'm here. On All Saints Day, hungarians go visiting cemeteries; I'm not sure what expats do.

2002-11-01T01:34:00.000-08:00

My grandfather collected Graham Greene novels, and I've had a box full of them lying around for years. When I was in the UK last week, skulking in my room with tonsilitis, I started to read them. The first one I tackled was The Honorary Consul, which I think remains my favourite to date; reminded me of Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and I really just couldn't put it down.

Then in an attempt to go back and start at the beginning, I read The Man Within and Stamboul Train, preferring the latter with its wide cast of characters and stories that gradually knitted into each other.

Now I'm ploughing through Journey Without Maps, which is a non-fiction account of his journey across Africa in the thirties. Then I need to take a break, because there would be nothing worse than overdosing on such a good author.

2002-11-01T01:18:00.000-08:00

Friday Five

1. Were you raised in a particular religious faith?
No. I was born in Belfast to parents who felt strongly opposed to organised religion of any sort, and refused to have me christened, so that I could make up my own mind about it all. I appreciate that immensely.

2. Do you still practice that faith? Why or why not?
If we call that faith hardcore cynicism, then yes I still practice it.

3. What do you think happens after death?
Other people's lives go on.

4. What is your favorite religious ritual (participating in or just observing)?
I like weddings, but I don't believe they're a particularly religious ritual. And I like hymns, too, although I can't sing particularly well.

5. Do you believe people are basically good?
No. I believe that some people are basically good, and some are basically bad, and I believe in multifactorial causation of people's behaviour. So there.

2002-10-30T06:45:00.000-08:00

Things to blog about on Thursday, when I'm back home...
Storms and power cuts, tonsilitis, Graham Greene, random stuff.

2002-10-25T05:40:00.000-07:00

This is GREAT! I could play with these stereotypes all day! At last, something to be enthusiastic about!

Brought to you via troubled diva

2002-10-25T05:34:00.000-07:00

Am I the only person in the world (apart from Upsetter) whose mother used to use turnips instead of pumpkins to make halloween lanterns?

2002-10-25T04:06:00.000-07:00

Finally, the lizard has cracked hyperlinks!

2002-10-25T03:54:00.000-07:00

No cheer-up suggestions incoming as yet, but I did find a funny letter on Notes to Self.

I've just been to the surgery to have more blood removed for the purposes of testing. They don't know what's wrong, and just like last time, the best I can really hope for is an educated guess, like the one that said I had psoriatic arthritis, because I have joint pain and my brother has psoriasis. They are doing tests and tests and tests, now, because I have pain and stiffness in my knees; but the rheumatoid factor was negative (just as it was last time), so they tell me it's something different. They are stupid. Of course it's the same thing; it's just likely that they got the diagnosis wrong last time.

The more tests are because the anti-nuclear antibody test came back with a mild positive a few weeks ago, so they are looking into this. What the hell is lupus, anyway? According to this link, about 5% of the general population will have a positive ANA, yet fewer than 1 in 1,000
have lupus. Thus, at least 95% of the people who have a positive ANA do not have lupus! Hurrah. (Marvin tone again, please)

2002-10-25T02:38:00.000-07:00

Please read all today's posts in your best Marvin tones.

Oh the irony, that a blog called Mildly Suicidal should be nominated by the Bloggies as Most Humorous. Please vote for it; Coldplay lyrics always make me giggle.

...brain the size of a planet...

2002-10-25T02:32:00.000-07:00

Remember all the fizzy vitamins I stuffed myself with the other week, in order not to become ill? Well I got sick anyway. My throat is swollen, it clicks when I swallow. My mouth tastes horrid. Next I will get a cold. Can you get fizzy vitamins in the UK? Furthermore, it is raining, and I'm supposed to drive up to Armpit to visit my mum, who is knee-deep in a crisis of the step-family, upon which my germs and I do not wish to intrude. I think we at the Umbrella Stand, and our friends and family, are going through rather a bleak period.

If anyone has any ideas, preferably other than amusing flash movies, about how I can cheer up, I would be most grateful

2002-10-25T01:11:00.000-07:00

You can go and do the Friday Five if you want, but I can't work up any enthusiasm.

2002-10-24T07:43:00.000-07:00

We are officially a blog by atheist.

2002-10-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

We passed the audit, the sun came out, I did quite a long burst of work. Something doesn't feel quite right about today, and I don't know what it is. It's like the floor is missing, my stomach is slightly unsettled, I feel sad, and I don't understand why. I mean, I do know why, but it's all confused and confusing. Everything feels too difficult, and I want to hide from it all.

2002-10-23T05:26:00.000-07:00

Interesting bloggery over at The Raving Atheist:

No posting today due to death in the family. Yes, of course the death has made me rethink everything and now I believe in God.

We want to be added to the blogs by atheists list.

2002-10-23T05:08:00.000-07:00

There's a massive hailstone shower going on.

2002-10-23T04:14:00.000-07:00

And I'm very tired... late nights, early mornings, lots of work, stress and trauma of the unbloggable variety. Plus the pool car has been unavailable all week, and my feet are killing me from walking up and down that hill in unsuitable shoes. And I'm supposed to like unsuitable shoes, but really that is a context-specific preference.

Okay I said I had nothing to blog about, and now you know it is true. I'm just waiting for yet another external audit report to be written by the nice young man at the next desk (hey, this is the first time I've ever seen a cute auditor...)

2002-10-23T04:09:00.000-07:00

There's not even anything on telly.

2002-10-23T03:57:00.000-07:00

I just couldn't be bothered to blog. I can't imagine anyone wants to read about my flights for the umpteenth time, or my accommodation, or the latest developments in my colleagues' affair. I haven't had time to surf the net and bring you fascinating links from the world wide web (or quizzes pinched from other blogs). Nothing remotely interesting is happening, and I don't have any rants in me. Sorry. It's a mood thing. I'm sure normal service will be resumed in a while.

2002-10-21T10:02:00.000-07:00

Unwanted love is the basest kind of treachery towards the beloved
Frances Towers · Violet

2002-10-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

I finished The Past Is Myself by Christabel Bielenberg, on Saturday night, and since then I've been unable to put down The Honorary Consul. Luckily I have heaps of Graham Greene, because my grandfather was a big fan; this is a particularly good thing as, for some reason, my laptop will no longer let me download msn chat software. I've tried everything I can think of, including logging in as administrator, to no avail; so I might as well go home and read until University Challenge.

2002-10-21T04:33:00.000-07:00

I've just noticed that stuff is happening on Feeling Listless again.

2002-10-18T16:14:00.000-07:00

You Are a Cybernormal!

You know how to find all the online action.

But you only respond if you have a strong attraction.

You've got to step up, if you want to get down or dirty.

Or you might not get laid again - until you're 30!

Are *You* a Cyberslut?

Until I'm 30? I'm nearly thirty bloody two! Gave me the wrong answer anyway.

via ariel

2002-10-18T12:34:00.000-07:00

erotic origami diagrams... don't ask what google search found this.

2002-10-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

Why is it that words like these seem to me so dull and cold? Is it because there is no word tender enough to be your name?
James Joyce · Dubliners

2002-10-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

Sue has dug in her feet and simply refused to do today's Friday Five, because she's not that much into telly. Well nor am I. I'd like to redo today's FF, on the subject of books...

1. How many books do you have in your home?
I will do a quick count... about 300 on the fiction shelf, and maybe the same again over on the non-fiction shelf. Don't you laugh at my library classifications...

2. On average, how much reading do you do in a week?
About an hour a day when I'm here, more when I'm in England, and all day long when I'm travelling between the two.

3. Do you feel that books are bad for young children?
See, you don't have to ask that question about books, do you. Which conclusively proves that TV is.

4. What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken?
This one doesn't really translate, does it. Any suggestions?

5. If you had the power to fill your own mobile library, what would your line-up look like?
Ooooh. Lots and lots of classics and modern fiction. Everything ever written by The Brontes, Salman Rushdie, and Louis de Bernieres. All the stuff on my Amazon wishlist, as well as all that stuff that they suggest you might also like. And loads and loads of poetry.

That was much more fun than talking about the TV.

2002-10-18T09:32:00.000-07:00

Rooster Spice wonders why I have dropped him from the Real Blogs of Note down to smallprint, but can't be bothered to ask. It's because the RBoN is, in theory, an ever-changing list of the newly notable; whereas smallprint is where I put the blogs I read every day on a long term basis.

2002-10-18T09:28:00.000-07:00

As far as I can see, Gert has now officially moved... update your links to one of my favourite weblogs...

2002-10-18T09:06:00.000-07:00

Tyuk and I just went to see The Bourne Identity, and I'm afraid it really wasn't very good. The IMDB list of goofs just doesn't cover it, really. I'm no expert on amnesia, but he seemed to get reorientated pretty quickly; or maybe his memory loss explained the stupid errors he made, the trail of clues he left that even I could have avoided, and the fact that he left all his money in Paris, but still had it on him later in the film. Lots of cliched lines. Great car chase and nice townscape shots (although the Paris scenes lacked originality).

It was a polyglot film, and presumably when shown in the UK, the italian, french, and german lines are subtitled in english. I had to rely on my poor italian and german, or read the hungarian subtitles. I maintain that reading subtitles is an excellent way to learn colloquial hungarian, but I wouldn't dare tell Pafrany the words that I learned this afternoon...

2002-10-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

Friday Five

1. How many TVs do you have in your home?
One small portable. Big screens are for computers.

2. On average, how much TV do you watch in a week?
None. I might watch a couple of programmes when I'm in England. Here we have no english language channels. We do tend to watch DVDs and videos, though. There's a school of thought that watching magyar TV would improve my hungarian, but that really isn't enough motivation to watch it for long...

3. Do you feel that television is bad for young children?
If you don't make discerning choices, it's bad for anyone.

4. What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken?
Don't be daft.

5. If you had the power to create your own television network, what would your line-up look like?
Lots of drama, quasi-intellectual comedy, reruns of Fawlty Towers, a blockbuster movie, sorry, film, every Friday night, and something older or artier on a Saturday. Plenty of football to keep Tyuk quiet when I want to play on the computer.

2002-10-17T15:25:00.000-07:00

More funnies...

2002-10-17T14:22:00.000-07:00

How to Save Your Own Life
The Wit & Wisdom of Isadora Wing
(Amanuensis to the Zeitgeist)
Have pen, will travel!
1. Renounce useless guilt
2. Don't make a cult of suffering
3. Live in the Now (or at least in the soon)
4. Always do the things you fear the most; courage is an acquired taste, like caviar
5. Trust all joy
6. If the evil eye fixes you in its gaze, look elsewhere
7. Get ready to be eighty-seven

Erica Jong · How To Save Your Own Life

2002-10-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

This is hilarious, but you may not want to open it with children nearby.

2002-10-17T13:51:00.000-07:00

Poor MIL, four days of the week she was here were rainy and cold, and today it has been beautiful. Upsetter and I went to a cafe and sat outside drinking enormous lattes and having a terribly intellectual conversation about arty films and victorian literature.

The sunshine instilled in me the energy to go to the street market near my flat, and buy different kinds of peppers from a wrinkly old man. 40 forints for a bag of chillies. That's 10p, folks. Then I made the most enormous chilli con carne, for Tyuk to eat while I'm in England. Am I not the best little housewife you can imagine? He is still poorly, and I am still freebasing multivitamins in a desparate bid NOT to catch his cold.

Tomorrow I think I will go photographing gravestones. If Tyuk ever sorts out our site hosting, you'll be able to view the good ones. Otherwise, tough.

2002-10-16T12:27:00.000-07:00

Remember Keanian Rhapsody? Well now I have found a little number called Bohemian Warranty, which goes like this:

I see a little cloven shadow of a hoof
Low address, low address, something did a Fandango
Criminally crafty
Very thorough shafting me ---
Bug or feature? bug or feature?
Bug or feature? bug or feature?
Is it new or is it known? --- telephone ---

and better still, The Sound of Silence:

You don't seem to understand
I think your phone lines are unmanned!
I pressed every touch-tone I was told,
But I've still spent 18 hours on hold;
It's not enough your program trashed my drive,
And it constantly hangs and bombs;
It erased my ROMs!
Now my Mac makes the sounds of silence.

There are hundreds more where these came from...

2002-10-16T09:38:00.000-07:00

Things are back to normal in blogland; I can post, and I can edit my templates. Today has been a very quiet day, mostly wasted in front of the computer screen, with one or two chores thrown in. If I don't do something soon, I really will run out of things to write about. I suppose I could tell you what Tyuk has been up to.

He's working nights at the moment, which is why I'm online so late; he gets home between 1.30 and 2am, so I usually wait up. He came back from Bratislava with a cold, as I mentioned, and so far - touch wood - I haven't caught it; but as always it's affecting his stomach and making him whine like a big girl. He got up early this morning to go to a seminar about mergers and acquisitions at the Hilton, but he says it was crap: a morning of listening to statements of the patently bleeding obvious, followed by a poxy buffet. This afternoon he went to argue with our accountant about a couple of things, and to get the adsl set up on my laptop, which was partially successful. Now he is languishing in bed, trying to work up the energy to go out and look at a bit of the footy before work.

See, his day was much more interesting than mine, wasn't it?

2002-10-16T03:27:00.000-07:00

something's wrong here...

2002-10-15T14:07:00.000-07:00

This fever for you is just burning me up inside!
Roy Orbison · I Drove All Night

2002-10-15T14:00:00.000-07:00

We went to a chinese market this afternoon. It was huge and untidy, a long way out of town, past the cemetery. There was stall after stall after stall piled with coats and cardigans, 90% of which were in sizes surely too small to be worn by the majority of the population. I managed to buy a long black hoody cardy, and a small bottle of soy sauce.

The weather has turned extremely cold, and the days are flying by. Less than a week until I'm back in England, and I feel like I've only just got here. I never seem to put down roots. I unpack my bags, but I never seem quite to unpack my head. I don't get round to sorting things out in the flat, and I still have boxes full from when we moved in. Last time I was here, it was hot summer; next time I'm here, it might be snowing. All Tyuk has to do in the meantime is make sure the heating is working...

ps. now I've looked at those pictures of the cemetery, I want to go there and take some of my own...

2002-10-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

When I click on edit template, i get a blank page... is everyone else having the same thing?

2002-10-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

More poetry puzzles and books to be won...

2002-10-14T14:15:00.000-07:00

Ding dong the MIL has gone! Okay so she wasn't as bad as all that. In fact we spent so much time together, owing to Tyuk's absence, that we might even have started to like each other a bit. Well stranger things have happened. And the rain that has been falling in floodloads over the weekend has stopped, leaving a crisp chill in the air, and a very unprotective clear blue sky, so I stayed indoors and discovered the intrigues of online backgammon.

Tyuk came back from Slovakia with a cold and a sore throat, so I'm staying out of his way; I've had my fair share of illness this year, I refuse to get sick again. I cracked open a tube of fizzy vitamins, and painted unclean on his forehead...

It's been pointed out to me that my comments boxes are woefully empty these days. I blame Upsetter, who has been offline since the end of his last job, and hasn't sorted out cable in his new flat yet. He was the chief commenter. Very poor show. But at least Pinky and Gert are still trying.

2002-10-13T13:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had an email from an old friend. I might have mentioned my good friends from uni before, let's call them A1, A2 and K. We went inter-railing together, a new city every other day and the kind of adventure that should have bonded us for a lifetime. I was the first of us to get married, and lo and behold, the first to get divorced too, not counting A1's teenage marriage and divorce, which was all nicely out of the way before we met, although it was never far from the topic of conversation.

When I left my first husband, they disapproved. They were among the ones giving me the crappy advice about how the decisions I made now would affect me for the rest of my life (isn't that true of all big decisions? did they think that I was unaware of it being a big decision?). I didn't see them for about a year, and even then I had to invite myself. I forced myself on them for a little while, because somehow I thought our friendship worth fighting for, and A2 and K both invited me and Tyuk to their weddings. Pretty brave of them, don't you think, as failed marriages are obviously infectious.

Coincidence led me to live in the same town as A2 for my last few months in the UK, but we didn't meet. My rented room is about a mile away from her successful marital home, but I haven't been in touch. Sometimes friendships fade away, and sometimes you just resent the behaviour of the people who judged you when you thought they would support you.

Now they invite me by email to what is described as the usual christmas shopping do, which the three of them have been having since about 1997 and never invited me to before. There's nothing usual about it as far as I can see. Would it be awfully cynical to wonder if they're planning trips to central europe next year?

2002-10-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

Today was cold and wet so we stayed in and played scrabble. I was beaten in five out of six games. I hate scrabble. I'm so rubbish at it, and everyone expects me to be good, probably because I wear glasses and read a lot. I'm rubbish at it and I can't even add up scores in my head, mental arithmetic was never my strong point. I'm rubbish at it because I simply don't see the point. Words are supposed to be useful for something, you know? Like a book or a poem, not for points on a board. It's only fun when someone comes up with a really good word or a clever combination. The best thing about scrabble for me is that we use my granny's old scrabble set, and it still contains the scorebook they used to use when playing as a family, including my aunt's note to my mum, scrawled in child-writing inside the cover: shut up, J, you're silly; and each rack has their nicknames graffiti-d on the back in pencil.

Tyuk came back eventually and we went out to eat at Cactus Juice, where the food is average and the service appalling. There are so many better places. Now he's gone to work, and MIL is celebrating her last night in Bp by watching Last of the Mohicans, which is a good, sad film, with Big Film music, that makes you all shivery.

2002-10-12T16:27:00.000-07:00

Make your own Bush speech
via Mildly Suicidal

2002-10-12T16:19:00.000-07:00

Agnes and Amelia distribute their pearls of wisdom...

As for just getting married for the sake of having kids, I would say no. In fact, we would beat you over the head with our purses if we thought you would do that.

No-nonsense advice on everything from love to jock itch...

2002-10-12T16:06:00.000-07:00

She wore successive states of mind like layers of petticoats picked up and put on at random, so that it was a matter of chance which one was innermost, and which would show when she hitched her skirt.
RF Delderfield · God Is an Englishman

2002-10-12T07:11:00.000-07:00

That was lucky... the England game was very nearly rained off, but after a pitch inspection they have decided to go ahead. The last thing he needs is an excuse to stay away an extra night!

MIL and I went shopping, but had to come back because her purse was stolen. We didn't see it happen, but I suspect the incredibly busy tram. She only lost a bit of cash and her debit card, but was still a bit shaken. I've made her a cup of tea and sat her down quietly, but I don't really know what else to do.

2002-10-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

Pure eye candy
Simon designed this site, which has beautiful photographs.

2002-10-11T12:54:00.000-07:00

Today was cold and wet. Tyuk took the MIL to the Houses of Parliament, where they do three tours a day in english. Then he set off by train for Bratislava, where he and a bunch of mates are going to see England v Slovakia.

She still wasn't completely tired out by that time, so I walked her up to Heroes' Square, where we took a few photos; and through the park, where she marvelled at the people sitting in the steamy waters of the baths.

Tomorrow we plan to do shopping and the cinema. He's back on Sunday and has threatened to take her to watch him play football!

2002-10-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

He said my name, and he made it sound beautiful.
Rosamund Pilcher · The Day of the Storm

2002-10-11T06:19:00.000-07:00

2. At what time did the the church clock stop?
I think I have it:
Stands the Church clock at ten to three?
And is there honey still for tea?
wrote Rupert Brooke about The Old Vicarage, Grantchester.

2002-10-11T03:29:00.000-07:00

In fact, that's one of the best Fives ever. I don't usually spend ages reading other people's, but I am pleased to note that there are lots of others who don't want to talk to five people either... and Amelie is a popular film choice.... and several people choose LOTR the book not the film, which it just occurred to me was ironic, as I'm usually the it's not a film, it's a book! snob.

2002-10-11T03:18:00.000-07:00

Good grief, this is a difficult Friday Five!

1. If you could only choose 1 cd to ever listen to again, what would it be?
(Starting to panic already) um, um, um, I think it might be Darkness on the Edge of Town by Bruce Springsteen. So there.

2. If you could only choose 2 movies to watch ever again, what would they be?
Oh, heck I dunno.... oh oh I do! Lord of the Rings, of course. And, um, how about Amelie?

3. If you could only choose 3 books to read ever again, what would they be?
Easy!
Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie;
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte; and
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy.
Anyone who knows me should be able to answer that on my behalf!

4. If you could only choose 4 things to eat or drink ever again, what would they be?
Hummus, avocado with a dash of lemon juice, Montgomery, and chicken enchiladas the way Tyuk makes 'em.

5. If you could only choose 5 people to ever be/talk/associate/whatever with ever again, who would they be?
Five whole people? My brother, Tyuk, my two best online friends, and, um, my cat.

2002-10-10T02:46:00.000-07:00

3. Where did the express train draw up unwontedly?
It's nothing to do with Skimbleshanks, is it?

2002-10-10T02:42:00.000-07:00

It's National Poetry Day, and Radio 4 is doing a quiz. Not one of those fun online quizzes that gives you a pretty picture to slow the loading time of your page, not even one like the nice Guardian quizzes that tells you the answers. Oh no, the big spoilsports make you send in your answers. So what's the point of that? Anyway, as owner of what is, although I say it myself, a pretty good online poetry archive, I'm irritated by the fact that I can't answer all the questions, so I'm sharing the quiz with you, dear reader[s], and you may help me by leaving the missing answers in the comments box. Full credit will be given, of course, and we can all share the copy of More Poetry Please.

1. Which poet wanted to bring time to a halt?
Um... WH Auden in Funeral Blues, the poem known to the modern world as Stop All The Clocks, popularised by Four Weddings and a Funeral, and sneered at by poetry snobs, one of which I am emphatically NOT.

2. At what time did the the church clock stop?
I dunno, but I feel that I should. Over to you...

3. Where did the express train draw up unwontedly?
Have no idea.

4. Which poet wanted to give it all up, go to a desert island and grow beans?
Still thinking about this one.

5. A young man from Salop in other words…
A-ha! Easy! A Shropshire Lad by EA Houseman was yesterday's poem!

6. Whose pen rested snug as a gun, and what did he decide to do with it?
?

7. Who will have no money for butter because she'll have spent it all on brandy, summer gloves and satin sandals?
The old woman who wears purple in Jenny Joseph's Warning.

8. Not much went on in this place, bugger all, in fact…
Well... that could be anywhere!

9. Who wrote that 'books are a load of crap'? Surprising, given his day job.
Sounds suspiciously Larkinesque, but I can't name the poem.

10. Who immortalised a big black bird?
My first thought was Ted Hughes, but of course they mean Poe's Raven, don't they?

11. Who sent her beloved an onion instead of a red rose?
Carol Ann Duffy did, as a Valentine. Excellent poem.

12. Who behaved appallingly to one of the lords of life, who only wanted a drink of water, then immediately regretted it?
Is this a fairly obscure reference to Coleridge? What the hell's that poem called? Oh yes, Rime of the Ancient Mariner. Is that what they mean?

I'll update the page if I find the missing answers.

2002-10-09T16:04:00.000-07:00

Hungary is expected to be included among the best of the ten candidate countries that will be capable of completing EU accession talks by the end of the year. This comes as something of a surprise, seeing every day things that just aren't allowed to happen inside the EU: discrimination against non-hungarian nationals, poor standards of food hygiene, complete disregard of health and safety precautions, cruelty to fish. But on the other hand, the rest of Europe could learn a few things about certain state-run ventures such as public transport and rubbish collection. About once a year, everyone puts their unwanted furniture on the street, and then people come along and help themselves to it. During the night, all the leftover stuff gets cleared away. Bottles are recycled more, because shops charge a returnable deposit. Sometimes this country seems to have cracked something, and other times it just seems cracked.

2002-10-09T15:30:00.000-07:00

Amnesty International: a campaign to prevent Amina Lawal from being stoned to death.

2002-10-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

When you're dead, it's for a long, long time
Emile Zola · L'Assommoir

2002-10-09T12:53:00.000-07:00

Pigger fell out of the window today. I read somewhere that cats cannot survive a fall from the first floor, but he has. He was very shaken, and the vet gave him an injection of something or other, but he does appear to be alright. I knew it was only a matter of time before we heard that anxious scrabbling that meant he had lost his balance.

As a result, I was allocated MIL tourguide duties, while Tyuk took him to the vet. MIL and I visited the city market, where there are hundreds of tourist-orientated tat stalls selling tablecloths and other rubbish. She thought it was wonderful, and spent most of her money on utter rubbish that she thinks was a bargain. She was feeling so flush that she went halfs on our evening meal, which is unheard of. Hungary is a wonderful feeling for the western tourist.

We ate at Ket Szerecsen tonight, had a little too much wine and a little too much food, which is the recipe for a good evening out, don't you think? We even splashed out on a particularly good cheese plate, some of which I can still taste.

Our street has been cleared of cars, and it looks like they are going to make a film there. There are coaches and caravans, with names printed on the doors. I was going to google-search one of the names, but I've forgotten it. Tomorrow...

2002-10-08T14:21:00.000-07:00

I finished The Collected Dorothy Parker yesterday. It was one of those books you wish you had read years ago. Her short stories are economical vignettes, ideas with a little colour added, and her poems make Plath sound like Carol Ann Duffy.

2002-10-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

When the strong were too weak to hurt the weak, the weak had to be strong enough to leave.
Milan Kundera · The Unbearable Lightness of Being

2002-10-08T13:43:00.000-07:00

According to the Alien Abduction Test There is a 32% chance that I've been abducted by Aliens!

2002-10-08T13:31:00.000-07:00

On the downside, there was only enough vodka and tomato juice to make one bloody mary tonight. This really is the theme drink of the moment.

2002-10-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

I suppose I'd better get back to daily diarising, that's what the damn blog is for, after all. It's rather like an online version of the notebook I carry around with me everywhere, except that I don't scribble appointments and phone numbers in here. I do write down poems and interesting stuff, though, and make a note of places I go and restaurant menus and things. I've written a diary for years, but now it's mutated into half-blog, half-notebook.

So, yesterday the mother-in-law arrived. She kind of invited herself, but what the hell, one week a year won't kill us, will it? We've been banging on all year about how lovely the weather is here, and last week we had a lovely warm spell. Today when I woke up, it looked and felt as though it might snow. Hell, it's bloody cold. Our heating is not yet functional; this is now a priority on Tyuk's list.

She's pretty old, with dodgy hips and diabetes. She's been to Spain and the USA to visit her other children, but I think Hungary is another kettle of gulyas. For one thing, she has to deal with three flights of stairs to get to the flat, and for another, it's damn cold. Tyuk keeps helpfully telling her hungarian words and phrases... now, mother, say this... eg...esh...eg...ed....ray... that means cheers. She looks at him wryly and says cheers.

Yesterday he took her sightseeing: our solicitors' office, the video shop, the metro. Today we did rather better: three banks (the first two wouldn't change travellers' cheques, but we did have to queue up for ten minutes in each of them in order to learn this. Still, they were nice buildings. We had lunch in the Hild, where the MIL tried the amazing onion soup that comes served inside a hollowed-out bread roll; an excellent introduction to hungarian cuisine, if you ask me. Then Tyuk took her to the Bazilika (finally something I can link to, and what an amazing photograph that is). In fact, he tired her out completely, marched her into Lush on Andrassy Ut to buy a bathbomb, and brought her home far too tired to require entertainment this evening. Splendid.

Now she's watching the good old Fawlty Towers videos. Whatever will we do when all our guests have seen those until they're sick?

2002-10-07T14:50:00.000-07:00

David Hume could out-consume Schoppenhauer and Hegel. And Whittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

2002-10-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know if Steven Soderbergh's Full Frontal is a suitable film to which to take one's mother in law? If possible, could you also rearrange the previous sentence to make it a bit more pleasing?

2002-10-07T11:46:00.000-07:00

Home isn't where it used to be;
Home is anywhere you hang your head
Elvis Costello

2002-10-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

Jenni suggested You should spit wet gummy bears in their hair, as a solution to rude hungarian cinema audiences (see below). Myself, I usually rely on the Hard and Unfriendly Stare. Any other suggestions?

2002-10-07T08:50:00.000-07:00

bookslut

2002-10-06T14:45:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went to see The Royal Tenembaums with my brother. It reminded me a bit of Amelie, which is a film I like a lot. The film was great, but the audience were terrible. It was screened in a smallish theatre, and we were subject to disturbance from people changing seats, rustling (the guy sitting next to Upsetter got through four bags of popcorn), mobile phones (ringing, and the guy next to me texting during the film), and people being admitted to the film up to half an hour after it started. But the very worst thing was (and Upsetter tells me this is pretty normal here), the audience laughing at the subtitles before the lines have been delivered, so that those of us who don't read hungarian were unable to hear the jokes!

Next week is the Titanic International Film Festival here in Budapest. Upsetter, being a film-buff kinda person, has picked 13 must-see films; as neither of us are working, I will certainly join him for a few of them. Unfortunately, Tyuk's mother is also arriving tomorrow, so she may have to come and see some obscure arty films with me on the evenings when Tyuk is working. Well why shouldn't she like weirdy cinema, just because she's old?

We rounded off the evening with three bloody marys each in the Aloe Cafe, which according to this german site has a freundliche Atmosphäre and getoastete Sandwiches. It also does four cocktails for the price of three on Sundays. We spent an hour or so thinking of ingredients you could add to a bloody mary, such as garlic, pesto, paprika, and coriander. I suggested croutons, but doesn't that make it into a gazpacho? I think perhaps gazpacho with vodka would be quite acceptable.

2002-10-05T15:09:00.000-07:00

But he that dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose.
Anne Bronte

2002-10-05T09:26:00.000-07:00

Someone tell me to pull myself together and sort it all out.

2002-10-04T07:33:00.000-07:00

I'm The James Bond Villain Personality Test!

I live in a fictional world of spies and blonde women with ridiculous names, and I like to give people plenty of options. Although whether they're villainous is not optional.

Click here to find out which test you are!

2002-10-04T03:40:00.000-07:00

Some day after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness the energies of love. Then for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.
Pierre Tielhard de Chardin

2002-10-03T10:01:00.000-07:00

For those of you who need a laugh, this is officially the funniest joke in the world:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"

It doesn't do a lot for me; I prefer the joke that amuses the Brits the most:

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!' "The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. "The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!' "The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'

Now that is funny.

2002-10-03T06:55:00.000-07:00

A Psychoanalytic Oddity

Writing in the Psychoanalytic Quarterly in 1976, Boesky introduced the appearance of "a new symbol" - the Xerox machine. "Because of its copying function it serves as a vehicle for the symbolisation of the phallic-reproductive functions." After reminding us that in 1915 Freud "described complicated machinery as a phallic symbol," and that Eder "reported the camera and x-ray apparatus as phallic symbols" in 1925, Boesky claims that "to my knowledge, the present paper is the first report of the Xerox machine as a phallic symbol." Presumably he based his argument on functional rather than visual similarity. However, he may have overlooked one important difference: the Xerox cannot carry out its functions unless it is connected to the electric mains supply.
In Rachman & Wilson (1980) The Effects of Psychological Therapy

More psychoquackery

2002-10-03T06:17:00.000-07:00

Do you give a fuck?

This quiz style was designed by alanna, adapted by Batfish Designs, and created by Missanthropy

2002-10-03T06:03:00.000-07:00

Create your own Brawny Man
via Firda

2002-10-03T05:56:00.000-07:00

She said

Me: I'm not getting out of the car, there's a psycho hiding in the bushes.
Him: Come on!
Me: No way! He's seriously lying in wait for someone to rape.
Him: Let's go!
Me: No!
Him: Come on. It'll be fine.
Me: Do you have a pocketknife or anything?
(He closes the car door and heads out. I open the glove compartment and search for a weapon.)

And that's why I had a pair of scissors in my pocket when he proposed.

And he said:

I had friends hiding in the bushes, sparklers at the ready. I had three sheets sewn together and draped over a 12 foot fence for a screen. I had champagne chilled and the audio/visual equipment set up by faithful, tipsy friends. I assumed the guy in the bushes was with us. (he wasn't)

She said, "yes!"

(I got the scissors away safely)

2002-10-03T05:35:00.000-07:00

Nancy just upped and moved, and it worked out fine for her:I have to say I'm really proud of us for having the nerve to just quit our jobs and move to another state. When am I going to be able to say that?

2002-10-03T05:18:00.000-07:00

I too am interested in what amount to tip hairdressers. I tend to think that if all they're doing is a quick trim of my delightful split ends, then their fee should include service. It's not as if I want to discuss where I've been on holiday, and the one or two hairdressers that I number among my acquaintances tell me that they only ask the holiday question as a last resort. I am a last-resort kinda hairdressery customer; they make me take off my glasses, which means of course I can't hear what they're whittering on about anyway, because I can't see their faces, and anyway, how does one hold a conversation with one's hair brushed over one's face, or an industrial strength hairdryer blasting in one's ear? (Let alone drink coffee?)

Of more immediate concern is how much one should tip the changing room attendants at thermal baths? Presumably more if you get changed in one of the bays where they can't stare at you while you get changed? Does anyone else suffer this dilemma? And is it bad form to hog the water jets? We went to the baths in Kecskemet yesterday; it's low season now, so they were full of old people who live in them, and the water was exactly the same shade of brown as their skin.

2002-10-03T05:01:00.000-07:00

For the time being, I haven't any words of my own, so read the poetry instead.

Thank you.

2002-10-02T05:48:00.000-07:00

Szolnok was shitty so we moved, and for the second time in a week I have signed into blogger just to tell you that I am blogging from an unusual location. Today we are in Kecskemét. Tomorrow we will be home.

2002-10-01T01:07:00.000-07:00

Today we're going to Szolnok, so I suppose I had better go and get dressed and pack a bag, or something. Back on Thursday. Szia.

2002-09-30T03:16:00.000-07:00

Back in Budapest, and it's a lovely sunny day (so why am I at the PC?) Pigger is growing his winter plumage, and the kitchen was clean (although the cupboards were bare). My flight was delayed by an hour, and all BA provided was a cheese croissant, so I was starving when I got here. We had a pizza and went to check out Upsetter's new flat. Even with no kitchen, their living quarters still look stylish. I find this effortless artiness very annoying. If I leave a pile of stuff lying around, it looks untidy; if they do it, it looks gracefully intended.

We also investigated their local, where you can get a tumbler of Bloody Mary for less than a quid. That's why I'm not out in the sunshine yet.

2002-09-29T01:14:00.000-07:00

Haven't done this for a long time: I am blogging from a terminal at Heathrow Airport. Webpoint, I mean, not terminal. I'm standing in the terminal... well, you know what I'm trying to say, don't you? You don't? Well that's probably because the keyboard's a bit dodgy.

2002-09-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

We have a water cooler in our office, with some bottles of squash next to it. My belgian colleague has just announced that, after three years, he has suddenly realised that you are supposed to dilute the squash.

2002-09-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

Friday Five

1. What are your favorite ways to relax and unwind?
Sleep, read, chat/surf, not necessarily in that order.

2. What do you do the moment you get home from work/school/errands?
If I'm in Hungary: kick off my shoes and switch on the computer.
If I'm in the UK: kick off my shoes and sit down to try and learn some hungarian vocab while my mind is still switched on.

3. What are your favorite aromatherapeutic smells?
Natural smells like lemon and lavendar.

4. Do you feel more relaxed with a group of friends or hanging out by yourself?
Depends if it's a real or a virtual group.

5. What is something that you feel is relaxing but most people don't?
Flying. I'm really getting into this aeroplane thing. Wouldn't have said that a year ago, would I?

2002-09-27T07:02:00.000-07:00

I have no content, nothing to write, nothing to tell you about, my mind is drained empty. I need the friday five. where is it...

2002-09-27T06:45:00.000-07:00

What Was Your PastLife?

2002-09-26T07:03:00.000-07:00

Which tarot card are you?

2002-09-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

A Multivariate Prevention Approach

Avoid fried meats, which angry up your blood,
If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.
Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.
Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society,
The social rumble ain't restful.
Avoid running at all times.
Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.
Satchel Paige